Souls Joy by Claire Krulikowski Our soul is our God source, that spark whose filaments of light contain all the grace, wisdom, and beauty of how life is meant to be lived. No matter how clouded the consciousness of our minds may become, every cell within us continues to shine, reflecting the original instructions of the omnipresent om of creation. When some disappointment, some sense of a missing joy, leads us down paths of blue reflection, our terminology defines us a "troubled soul." Yet, are we in such moments "troubled" souls, or might this puzzlement actually be a joy we dont recognize? Like travelers suddenly disembarked onto a dock amidst the tumultuous activity of foreign sounds, smells, sights, and colors, these new situations and wonderings may trigger our minds worry muscles: "Why'd I choose this place?" "Where am I?" "How do I get out of here?" Confused within this hubbub, we may stand paralyzed, rooted to our spot, unable to discern what to do or where to go next. We may poke at passing folks, raise our voice, and demand answers from them, only to have them poke us back or hurry away. Perhaps we collapse in tears and run helter-skelter anywhere, anywhere... It's a new world thats come into focus, and most of us don't know how to deal with it. Having grown to accept the confines and density of our flesh and bones, we relate and translate career trials, relationship issues, illness, boredom, or whatever, from the pain scripted onto our nervous system rather than the joy within our soul. The Spirits Sense Those momentous windows of opportunity are the juncture of realities that our brains seek to paint as attacks of fantasy upon reality. The "I" we've come to believe we are thinks that what we physically feel is the emotional pain of "that relationship" or the pain of career issues, etc. Instead, our more spiritually attuned selves are sensing the possibility of going a new way, recognizing a different, better way of relating, a destiny yet to be fulfilled. Our souls joy throbs. Yet, our brain is threatened, trained, and convinced it's rightly defending us in a battle of duality. It holds no memory of such a joy in this life's structure. It has no map to maneuver us through the brightly decorated, boisterous crowds of new concepts, so it defends us with fight-or-flight responses in its familiar, socially acceptable framework of "solutions" which have not yet solved anything. Has the world become a joyful, peaceful, caring place? Have we yet transformed it into "heaven on earth"? Looking no further than the milling bodies surrounding us, allowing ourselves to focus on the pain rather than projecting our senses onto the ideal joy, we feel only fearful, confused, lost, angry, and cast ourselves adrift upon what has been dubbed the debris-filled sea of mass consciousness. The world looks much different seen through the eyes of God. Our soul is a spark of that God, so our soul knows the joy it ultimately seeks! That is why so many philosophies tell us to quiet ourselves, tune out the tumult of the crowd and gain our inward bearing. So what does it mean to find your souls joy? Some experience it in seemingly rare, fleeting moments such as a subtle glint of light falling upon a trees dewy leaf, or the first sight of their newborn babe. Such moments exhume breath from our bodies and set them weaving in mystic flight, but I didn't ask about being startled by such a momentary joy. I asked about finding it, holding it the quests end. The Heat of the Flame The quest for our souls joy is an inner journey in the outer world. It is the souls own quest, taken up by its many aspects to remember our God self in mortal form. The soul stays ever true to the divine. The soul always knows and remembers who and why it is, and remembers and believes in the divine "you" that has lived so many lives and personalities and experienced so much over the course of existence. No matter where our body/mind may wander, the soul continues to shine like the flame of a beckoning candle. The quest is experienced by the light surrounding the flame: the incarnated personalities. Like many of you, I desire to live my souls joy, to know the God I AM and to project that potent, loving energy with every focused thought and to transform the tepid water of this world into sweet nectar. To know that sense of relieved elation, exuberance, and warmth is to breathe the breath of the Light again. It was easily forgotten, and has been hard to recollect. The problems and prescribed necessities, accusations, judgements, and defenses filling my life distracted me from recognizing aspects of life that speak of something finer. No matter where our body/mind may wander, the soul continues to shine like the flame of a beckoning candle. Once you've touched that, though, you dont want to compromise on joy, on God, on yourself! Yet, I've touched it, and I've lost it time and time again. It's been forgotten in the angst of the moment, thoughtlessly flicked aside like cigarette ash, scowled upon when I didn't get what I wanted fast enough or at least not in the guise I'd expected. Having been distracted by old habits that had seemed to define me before, I found that their hurtfulness and limitations were now all the more recognized because I was out of step. I would need to retrace some steps in order to find my place again. On this quest, we travel unfamiliar, new territory. It's strewn with those rocky, negative habits and dependencies we've developed over our lifetime and which delay us. Like lost hikers trapped on a mountaintop after sunset, we stumble around in search of our destination, our safety. The relieved elation of those hungry hikers, many suffering from physical and emotional bruises, who find their way to camp and into the arms of those who went before them, is akin to the feelings of those who have found their souls joy. Choice How often have you seen your ideal and run up to it, only to screech to a halt before making the leap, fearful of what you perceive as a dark, bottomless pit separating that new way of being/relating/earning a living youve been yearning for from the one youve been living, perhaps quite comfortably? "What if I fall? What if I dont make it?" you may have cried. When you've leaped the emotional chasm, the physical chasms evaporate. Sometimes fate takes a hand and you get nudged when you're least expecting it. I was (metaphorically) huddled at the edge of that chasm one evening, pondering my chances, wondering how I'd ever cross it. Unexpectedly, a dear friend approached, bearing her own emotional load, and surprised me with an avalanche of stinging accusations about my goal. Caught off balance, I toppled into the chasm. I fell, spiraling down, down, down, grasping, reaching, desperate for bared roots to cling to, to stop my fall. "Why is this happening?" I cried. It seemed so easy to just give up and let the journey end. Or was it? "Choose!" an inner voice called. My arm caught on a snag. "I will not give up!" I groaned, clinging to this fragile limb; but it all just hurt so much. My grip gave way. Bump! Jar! Tear! Scratch! The descent continued. There was no hope. Where would this lead? How could I ever believe...? "You are strong and beautiful and magnificent." Those inspiring, Godlike pronouncements, echoing around and within, shook me. I flayed my arms, grabbed again and again, grasping hold at last and breaking so fast my mind whirled dizzily even as I hung still. My strong grip proclaimed, "I will not give up my joy!" I groaned, pulling one hand up over the other. "I will have my joy." I allowed this mantra to propel me, smiling, upward. I found another handhold, then another and another. It didn't matter in those stunned moments if I couldn't remember all the details of that joy anymore. I had chosen! Divine Recall It didn't even matter if the next day I still felt worn and bruised. During my slow awakening, I realized that something important had happened: I had focused back upon what I wanted, and in that shift came the means and the strength to dig my way out of my own morass, the hell of my own making. I also knew that those startling, inspiring words I'd heard could only have come from the source of my joy, and tears poured from my eyes like rays from the sun in grateful appreciation of Gods divine care. Savor such inspiring moments. I've replayed that moment for some time while recalling, too, the pain of that bewildering experience, seeking greater understanding of its meaning for me so that I might take the wisdom of it into my future. Not until later did I realize that I'd crawled up and out onto the other side of the chasm and was already living in my future. It looked bright and beautiful; expanding ever onward beyond my sight, it felt so fine and smelled so sweet. Only then did I notice that I still held old habits, like torn sod and brambles, in my grip. I released them upon the wind, and with them went those pains! I know that in many lives past I have sought fulfillment and realization, yet in those times I have not grasped the brass ring. Today I'm here, and this is it for me. It's a personal revelation for me, having always believed myself to be independent, to realize how I've followed the ways of others far too often in this life, not being true to me and to the promises I'd made to God and myself. Both personally and as a writer, I have now found my voice and raise it, knowing that the voice speaking to and in me will chorus with the voice speaking in others. I invite everyone to leap the chasm, to continually transform our lives and, in doing so, the world in which we live. I invite everyone to live the wisdom of such momentous moments; to speak of God/Creator, your soul and purposes and destinies, and a world of joy, hope, and nurturance; and translate that into everyday living. I invite you to speak of the beauty in the breath of silence and in the crash of a thunderstorm; to express your souls joy in every abundant thought and act of life; to stroke your souls joy every wakeful moment. While cuddled sleeping in its arms, know, in every eternal moment, I AM. Such are the treasures revealed to you when you can recognize the joyful soul. Claire Krulikowski is a freelance writer living in Issaquah, Washington, whose writing is fueled by the flame burning within her soul.