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 Conscious Play by Shila Moa Some years ago, in connection with work I was doing with a counseling group in Seattle, I discovered a delightful, freeform play technique for children, one to which they respond in a most remarkable way. I call this technique "conscious play." The term is a good one, I think, because it describes, in a way that I hope to make clear, the essence of this type of activity, both when employed with children and with adults. At the time I first encountered this technique, I was not a parent. I am sure that on some level, though, my observations of "conscious play" in the counseling group must have impressed me deeply. In any event, the seed of the idea remained with me through several intervening years until my own first son was born. One day, on my way to a nearby playground with my young son, then two years old, the idea resurfaced. I decided immediately to respond to the hint that my subconscious was giving me, and to make this "conscious play" time with my little boy. Here is how conscious play works: First, you must decide on a time when you can put your other activities aside and focus on your child. The age, preferences, and developmental stage of your child, of course, largely determine where and what you might decide to do in your special playtime. Then, having arrived in the place that you and your child agree upon, you give the child, by word, attitude, and close attention, freedom to take the initiative in any way he or she chooses. You yourself refrain entirely from giving any direction to the child, while maintaining very close, supportive attention. Approaching the playground with my son, I did just that. I told him that I would be with him in whatever he wanted to do. I held my own energy in such a way as to neither "push" nor "pull" him, and I gave him my closest attention. It was a warm spring day, and the playground was raucous with many children, most of them older than my son, all playing with abandon. There were swings, riding horses, bars of various kinds, and a slide. My son stood at the edge of the playground and observed this scene for a full ten minutes. He observed it calmly, without apprehension. He knew that he was in control and would not be forced by an adult into any scary activity. Finally, he chose to approach the swing, a piece of playground equipment he had experienced before. He directed me to lift him into the swing and to push him with two hands. I did this. Then, gaining confidence, he directed me to push him higher. As I did so, he began to laugh. As his laughter pealed out, I recognized that having reached the optimum point of risk — that perfectly balanced energy point between distress and known safety — he was releasing fear; and in the process, he was extending his courage to new heights, in a very real way healing himself. His laughter stopped, and immediately there was another conquest to be made. He announced that he wanted to play on the slide. Looking carefully at me for signs of motherly alarm, he stated his intention of going up the ladder by himself, something he had never before dared to do. When he assured himself that his mother was at ease with his decision, he immediately climbed boldly up the ladder, checking with me from point to point as he went higher. Soon, he was repeatedly climbing the ladder to the slide, without hesitation or any further checking, and sliding down the chute into my arms, delighted and extremely pleased with himself. To say that this experience was delightful for me would be to only partially express the wonderful feeling of closeness and mutual accomplishment that I felt that day. As my son’s laughter pealed out, I recognized that, Thus I was shown, early in my experience as a parent, the power, versatility, and health-giving potential of this special kind of play. As I gained more experience with it, I was able to integrate its techniques of attentiveness and non-judgment into my everyday life with my sons. I believe that because they received a lot of this kind of attention, they were helped to feel strong, bold, powerful, and successful, with several good results. First, each of my sons, in his own way, became an achiever, but in a very healthy way: without compulsiveness, and without the need or desire to please anyone but himself. Neither of them has had the need to rebel against his parents. Neither needed much in the way of disciplining techniques because each made decisions for himself about his own discipline. Perhaps most importantly, each has developed the ability to "listen," with all the senses, to other people. It makes me very, very happy to know that this ability, which I found so valuable in parenting, will one day be passed through my sons to their children. I am frequently surprised, when describing my special "conscious" playtimes to other parents, at the fact that many of them have instinctively developed some similar technique for giving their children free reign while maintaining attention and support. One friend recently shared with me how he and his young son would go into the woods and play "scout." The little boy would scout ahead of the father, who followed a short distance behind, observing everything that the child directed him to observe, commenting where needed, but allowing the child complete freedom to go anywhere in the woods and look at anything he wished. The little boy loved this activity, perhaps more than any other, and both father and son learned a lot about trees, groundcover plants, mushrooms, insects, animals, and all of the miscellaneous exotica to be found in even a small patch of woodland. The boy is now a teenager, and father and son still love to go hiking and camping together. One thing to keep in mind as you work with this technique is that we adults did not get much, if any, of this kind of special attention and support, so it does take some effort to stay clear of our own desires. I suggest that after this kind of play you seek another adult to listen to you about the thoughts and feelings that surfaced for you during the experience. You may be able, through this sharing, to discover places where you may be energetically "stuck" in playing activities and in other aspects of life. The universal nature of this conscious play technique manifests itself very much in my energy healing work. It is not my purpose here to describe my healing work in any detail, but I think that it is important to mention that what I do with clients is analogous to those special playtimes with children. I place my attention, through my third eye, on the energy field of the client, and "play" with that energy with my hands, which respond to the direction and guidance I receive from the client, getting that energy to flow in a less constricted and healthier way. This is the essence of conscious play. It is different from free-for-all play in that it is done with conscious intent: one person focuses on another for the purpose of healing or evolving in a healthy way. And the results flow in both directions! Any parent, or anyone who ever has charge of a young one can do it. It is easy and natural, and the rewards are both immediate and lasting for both adult and child. Shila Moa has followed her dreams to become a healer. She has completed a four-year program at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing. She has a B.A. from Fairhaven College, WWU, focused on the interaction of body, mind, and emotion. She resides in western Washington and performs group and individual healings. See her ad under "Health Services." < http://www.pacificrim.net/~moander> (360) 671-0783 |