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Author Susan Jeffers’ Antidote to Uncertainty
Most Americans felt almost invulnerable to foreign invasion prior to 9/11. That day irrevocably shifted our perception of our level of safety. Once our country engaged in war in the Middle East, we began to hear regular reports of the anger and contempt people in some other countries are feeling towards us. We know that there is a fatwa (religious ruling) in the Muslim world calling for a jihad, or holy war, against Americans. The directive is "to kill the Americans and plunder their money wherever and whenever they find it." Add to that our domestic woes — slumped economy, rising gas prices, fear of travel — and it’s no wonder many of us are feeling anxious. With anxiety cited in Time magazine as the number one issue for Americans these days, the timing couldn’t be better for the U.S. release of psychologist Susan Jeffers’ book, Embracing Uncertainty. This best-selling author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway offers us another set of tools to help ease even this most stressful of circumstances. Acute as it may seem currently, anxiety is not a new phenomenon; it has posed a social challenge throughout the ages. Although many of us know in our minds that nothing is permanent, and have the spiritual belief that life is unfolding perfectly, actually living by that awareness in the moment-to-moment of our daily lives can be challenging. What seems to be a disaster may turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to us — and vice versa. Bernie Siegel, M.D., renowned cancer specialist and author, calls them the "we’ll sees," and Jeffers calls them the "maybes," but they both apply to not judging a situation by the way it currently appears. It would be misleading to define something as "good" or "bad," because it’s all just a part of what Jeffers refers to as the ever-unfolding "Grand Design." Believing in this Grand Design explains Jeffers’ ability to relinquish control of life (not that she still doesn’t get called on this one occasionally by her friends!). Call it God’s Plan, or a Force, she describes it as the larger plan of the Universe that exists beyond our ability to see its entirety. It is also why she believes so strongly in asking for daily guidance from her Higher Self before she begins any day’s projects. "I finished writing Embracing Uncertainty right before 9/11 happened," Jeffers relates, tears slightly welling in her gentle brown eyes as she speaks from her Santa Monica office. "Gratefully, because I used the exercises I’d just written about, I didn’t have the same reactions of panic and terror that others around me did. I was actually sad that it was so timely, but I did know we’d have the opportunity to come out better in its aftermath." The crux of Jeffers’ beliefs, that we can rise above any situation life hands us, was never better demonstrated than at that time, when the outpouring of love and caring bonded a nation and a world community closer than it had since World War II. Out of the seeming chaos and hate came a wellspring of love and healing. And it was because most people took some kind of "action" at the time (whether by sending money to a relief fund or comforting a friend with a phone call) that 9/11 took on a new perspective. "If you can ‘un-set your heart’ and let go of control in the moment, you will save yourself a lot of suffering that’s caused by ‘needing’ things to be a certain way," Jeffers reminds us. "If we become so tied to a situation’s outcome, we close the door to all the other marvelous possibilities that may be just around the corner." How we approach life is key to Jeffers’ numerous self-help books (published in over 100 countries and in over 30 languages) and the way she lives her own life. Her own approach included dropping out of college to marry her childhood sweetheart. By the time Jeffers realized she needed more intellectual stimulation in her life, the couple had two children. "Marriage, children and housewife life were expected in the ‘50s, but once I’d been exposed to the personal growth explosion of the ‘60s, I was like a kid in a candy store," Jeffers animatedly explains. "It’s a perfect (and noble) course for some women, just not me." She finished college, got her master’s degree, and went on to earn a Ph.D. in psychology with an emphasis in education. Although Jeffers and her husband mutually decided to end their 16-year marriage, they are still good friends today, and she remarried "the most loving man I’ve ever met" (Mark Shelmerdine) in 1985, a year after she’d been diagnosed with breast cancer. "This dis-ease caused me to take a look inside me and deal with the anger I’d been suppressing toward men," Jeffers confides. She’d opted for a mastectomy rather than a lumpectomy and "wasn’t sure if Mark would leave me because of the physical changes, but I came to understand that my essence, and not my breasts, was what his love was based upon. I finally could put down my seeming armor of independence, let him love me and marry … hence my book some years later, Opening Our Hearts to Men." Jeffers’ first major "job" offer came not long after she’d completed her education. She’d been helping out a colleague at The Floating Hospital in New York, a boat that makes daily cruises around New York harbor offering free health, recreational and educational services. (The service was begun in the mid-1800s, and while the original boat has been replaced, the organization is still operational today.) Two weeks into it, she was invited to come on board as its Executive Director, a position she had neither expected nor sought. That "chance" happening resulted in what she perceives as 10 of the richest years of her life. "All of a sudden, I was managing a staff of 150 and having the opportunity to offer nurturing services to 800 people a day," Jeffers beams as she recounts the memories. "I was experiencing life as a single woman, savoring the power of my independence, and yet, something inside told me it was time to move on." A routine visit to New York’s New School resulted in Jeffers’ being asked if she could teach a course. She hadn’t been looking for a job, but when the School’s Director brought up the subject of fear, Jeffers eagerly jumped in with both feet. Within minutes, she jotted down a proposed outline for a 13-week offering called "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway" — the makings of her first bestseller. "I had no idea part of my ‘purpose’ here would be writing," Jeffers muses, "even though I’d been told by five psychics over the years that I would be writing books. I guess part of my own trepidation in the beginning was lessened because I’d heard that validation. My greatest joy was giving people tools to see the world in a more powerful and life-affirming way." Jeffers’ had found her calling, and her numerous works on overcoming fear and building healthy relationships attest to it. Her beliefs center around overcoming fears generated from what she describes as the Lower Self (insecurity, doubt, pain, fear). By practicing daily exercises to develop healthier habits, we can operate from the Higher Self, which is filled with peace, power, confidence and love. The writer’s path to her destination had been circuitous and bumpy, but she knows it was the only way she could get to where she is now. Jeffers learned from many people along the way, and while she hopes to share that gift, not everyone is ready to receive it. She told us that, "A woman at one of my workshops said, ‘I’ve read all your books and heard all your tapes, but nothing has changed for me.’ I could only reply, smiling, ‘Nothing takes until you take it.’" Which is one of the reasons Jeffers is such an advocate of exercises, or "tools," as she calls them, because if you don’t work at changing your mindset, you’ll keep replaying the old tapes that keep you stuck in unhappiness (see sidebar). Life experiences have proven to Jeffers that our negative habits or fears are so ingrained from childhood that we need constant reminders to keep us on the path of positively approaching life, something she does with genuine warmth and humor. In Embracing Uncertainty, there are 42 exercise tools, including affirmations, visualizations and some practices that require physical action. Like any craftsman, we can store our tools in a "toolbox" to retrieve when we need them in crafting our lives. "I think the biggest difference in my life since writing Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway in 1986 and this new book is that I’ve developed a better sense of humor about life, and definitely a stronger spiritual sense," Jeffers concludes. "I think the feeling of ‘power’ is actually softer, in a sense, because now I’m even more into turning life over to the Grand Design." When asked her opinion about Iraq or other items in the news, Jeffers is non-committal about who’s "right." She tells the story of one of her mentors, Ram Dass, calmly marching in some protest in San Francisco, when one of the organizers asked him why he wasn’t more emotional about the issue. Ram Dass responded that although he felt a need to act on his beliefs, he had no idea if he was actually "right." "What a lesson that was for me," Jeffers admits, head in hands. "I finally realized I was one of the most ‘righteous’ people I knew in my life, and that when I listened to both sides, I wasn’t always sure whether it was my lower or higher self waiting to jump into the fray. It takes a whole lot of pressure off if you can incorporate the power of ‘maybe’. In a maybe world, the need to be right greatly diminishes. You are once again open to the flow of the Grand Design knowing that whatever happens, you can learn from it." Released in the U.K. in 2002, Embracing Uncertainty won Kindred Spirit magazine’s 2002 Personal Development Book award. For more info about Susan Jeffers, see <www.susanjeffers.com>. Kam Kaminske is a freelance writer based in Toluca Lake.
There is a necessary acceptance of certain realities: the only certainty is that life is uncertain. Once you accept that you cannot control the uncertainty, you’ll be able to breathe a sigh of relief, Jeffers assures us, and open the door to a powerful way of living. I Can Learn From This The goal here is to see everything happening in your life as perfection in action. Jeffers suggests making a list of things that have occurred in a day and focus on learning. After each event (e.g., I lost my job, I received roses, my best friend died), repeat the words "I can learn from this." The key is to remember that we can learn from everything, whether it appears to be "good" or "bad". To enhance this exercise, she suggests adding the "I Wonder" exercise: "I lost my job" might become "I wonder what better position is waiting for me"; or "My best friend died" could become "I wonder how many people I can remember to say ‘I love you’ to today." This Too Shall Pass Life has its ups and downs. Noticing that everything is temporary will help you get into the harmonious flow of life. For example, after each of the following statements, repeat the words, "This too shall pass": "I’m hungry; it’s such a beautiful day; I feel great; I’m angry with my friend for always being late…" All of these feelings/observations are related to a specific moment in time, and when we realize we can enhance our lives by not taking things for granted, our increased appreciation of the moment helps us embrace the uncertainty in our lives. Diffuse the Bad News To lessen the stress bad news inflicts on our bodies, look for some good within each circumstance. Lousy food at a restaurant might be given a positive slant by reminding yourself you don’t have to wash the dishes and you’ve enjoyed the opportunity to get out of the house. It’s all part of what Jeffers calls "Life’s treasure hunt… finding the good within the bad."
A well-nourished brain is filled with soothing, relaxing and enlivening chemicals called neurotransmitters. When we feel worried, anxious or overwhelmed by stress on a regular basis, we’re experiencing brain drain: our natural anxiety-fighting neurotransmitter levels have dropped too low. Fortunately, we can use targeted brain nutrients to quickly restore optimal levels of these emotional life-savers. How? First we need to identify which of the four primary neurotransmitters is malfunctioning. 1. Is it serotonin, the natural anti-depressant that also stops fearfulness, obsession, irritability and insomnia? If so, supplementing with 5-HTP, the nutrient the brain uses to make serotonin, is probably the answer. 2. Is the problem a deficiency in the brain chemicals that make us energized and alert? If catecholamine levels are depleted, we feel too worn out to deal well with stress. The solution? The vitality-building amino acid L-tyrosine. 3. A low level of our natural tranquilizer, GABA, is often the problem when we can’t cope with stress. To increase our supply of this adrenaline-neutralizing wonder-substance, we can take GABA supplements. 4. Finally, if our pleasure-promoting endorphin levels are too low, we’re drawn to chocolate, wine or other comforting substances when we’re hurt and upset. But DLPA (DL phenylalanine) supplements encourage the brain to quickly rebuild its endorphin levels to restore a natural sense of well-being. All of these brain nutrients are amino acids, specific building blocks of protein. Skipping meals, eating too many sweet and starchy carbohydrates, and skimping on protein-rich foods will strip our brain’s amino acid supply, reducing our ability to tolerate stress. In fact, the typical U.S. diet is the most stressful diet ever known. The remedy? Three solid, protein-rich meals a day that also include at least four cups of vegetables, some healthy fats and healthy carbs like fruit. Plus, some targeted supplementation for a few months. Don’t worry about how you’re going to leave your highly addictive high-carb treats behind. It may seem like an impossible job, but the right amino acid supplements can not only improve your mood, they can also stop your cravings for "bad mood foods" in 24 hours. I’ve seen it happen in thousands of cases. For more on how to identify and safely correct your own mood (and appetite) chemistry, try filling out the "Mood-Type Questionnaire" online at <www.moodcure.com>. Julia Ross, M.A., author of The Mood Cure and The Diet Cure (Viking Press) is Executive Director of Recovery Systems, a Mill Valley clinic that treats mood, eating and addiction problems with nutrient therapy and biochemical rebalancing. sidebar 3 Numerous population studies dating from the time of the Cuban Missile Crisis show that at times of national crisis, the level of anxiety rises in some members of the population. Personal events can, of course, exacerbate repercussions of national distress. Signs to look for include: • Finding yourself glued to the TV for more information. • A change in sleeping patterns. Unable to sleep, waking in the middle of the night, or sleeping more than usual. • Craving substances—alcohol, prescription or street drugs. • Dramatic mood swings, irritability. You may find yourself snapping at your family or co-workers. • Less productive or having difficulty concentrating. • Overeating or eating very little. • Physical changes like excessive sweating or heart racing.
Information provided by Carolyn Aldwin, Professor of Human Development and Family Studies at UC Davis. |
