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Each month, following her predictions for the coming month, Deborah Koan offers intuitive guidance in response to readers’ questions about relationships, family, children, animals, health, career, finances, or the other side. Email Deborah at <guidance@intuitiveartist.com> or call or fax her at (206) 985-6601 if you’d like her to answer your question in The New Times. Please do not give your name when asking your question; anonymity and confidentiality are assured. Here we are in March already, and you know as well as I do that the energy of the planet has been increasing with each passing month. Life may seem hard to keep up with these days. When change is so prevalent, taking responsibility for ourselves and our actions becomes more difficult. Being responsible means stepping outside of any situation (no matter how personal), seeing your contribution, taking responsibility to change yourself, and then doing it. Changing yourself takes less energy than trying to change others. Have you noticed how far you get trying to change everyone else and everything else first? I bet you have been there, and it has not worked so far. It’s probably even gotten the best of you! But it was a perfect lesson, because now you are more aware. Being responsible will always be the higher road; it is where the Universe is directing us. We all know that we create our own realities. Look around you; what you believe, you have created. The more you step towards consciousness and taking responsibility, the more you will have the ability to create and recreate your own reality. Watch your thoughts and patterns in everyday situations, because they are what creates your reality. Does your present day thought pattern serve you? Does it serve the betterment of our planet? Your thoughts and actions do make a difference to the people you interact with everyday. Taking the higher road, choosing to be responsible, will help you as an individual and will help the state of our planet as well. We always have choice. I have not been able to comfortably speak with my father for several years now, as I have been on a long journey of growth, growing up, healing, and continuing awareness. He wants to be friends, to be close in a way that has always made me feel extremely uncomfortable and anguished (boundary-crossing has been a major issue for me since childhood). I don’t feel ready yet to be on “nice” terms with him when I still have so much anger, fear, distrust, disgust, and general dis-ease that comes up for me when I think about being as “close” to him as he wants. I am an adult now, and yet I am still plagued by emotions and fears from my past. I have tried to be as honest with him and true to myself as possible, but he only seems to be hurt by my truth and wants only to be loved in his way. This is very complicated, and I do feel guilty — but also torn about why I continue to feel this way and cannot “open my heart” to him as he desires. What do you intuit about our relationship and what needs to happen for true healing, release, and completion to take place? And how can I ever learn to feel safe with him? — Daughter in Despair I would first recommend that you ask yourself: What do you want in regards to your relationship with your father? I understand he wants a friendship, but I am not certain you know what you truly want. When I look at your situation, the number one thing I sense is your need to be nurtured. Your recurring pattern since childhood has been about not getting the nurturing you were looking for from your father. Feeling safe would fall under the category of being nurtured; safety will come when you achieve nurturing. This is something your father might not be able to understand, because he thinks he did nurture you (in his own way that is — he did what he knew). I am not saying what happened to you should be dismissed at all. I am saying I would like you to focus on you, because you are the only one in this picture you can change. Being responsible for your father and his actions is an old pattern. If you can learn how how to nurture yourself and just be responsible for you, that would be a huge life change. When this is accomplished, you will be able to know more easily what you truly want in regards to a relationship with your father. It feels like you could use some “all about you” time right now. Please take each situation and interaction in your life, little by little, and just sense whether or not it feels nurturing to you. If it does not, how can you change you in that situation? How can you nurture yourself? I am referring to any situation, not just with your father. If it does not feel nurturing right now to be around your father, you may want to take a little time out. What would feel best for you instead? Again, know that you cannot change him, or any situation or person around you. You can only take responsibility for yourself. Right now, this lesson is about you learning how to nurture yourself. When you nurture yourself, you will then be able to attract more nurturing people and situations to you. With this nurturing, you will feel stronger, because you will not be giving your strength away. You will know what feels good to you, and you will see your gifts more clearly. You will also be able to see what your passion is. That is nurturing! I’m not feeling as connected to myself as I usually do when it comes to making decisions. I’m not experiencing the natural flow that works so well for me. How can I learn to trust myself again in situations where I seem to be waffling? — Ms Confusion Good question! I love that you used the word trust. I say this because when there is trust, there is faith, and where there is faith, intuition has been embraced. When you make choices intuitively, you can be sure your decision is right for you. When you make decisions using your mind, you’ll probably end up second guessing yourself, and you will not have total faith that your decision was right on. Your mind is connected to your past experiences, childhood events, and even your past lives. Because your past experiences do not always reflect who you are inside, choices made from this place may not be right for you. Consequently, you may feel off. Making decisions intuitively guarantees that the choice is clean and free from your past patterns. Feeling and knowing the difference between your intuition and your mind is the first step in being able to make decisions intuitively. Your intuition is that little whisper that comes up right before your mind kicks in and the second-guessing begins. Just noticing this is perfect. Awareness is always key to making a change in your life. Next, after you develop some awareness (and you can feel the difference between your intuition and your mind), it is time to choose which one to follow. If you choose your intuition, be aware that the mind is not going to like it! The mind likes to be the one in charge. The mind is a driving force in all of us, and because there is no way to bypass the mind, you will have to learn to work with it. I have always pictured the mind as an only child — or the first born — who does not want to share, especially in a decision making process with the second born, the intuition. Given this, I recommend working with the mind so the mind understands that you are not trying to take anything away from it. The mind will then allow the intuition to come through. Try following that little whisper, your intuition, in regards to small every day life decisions. When you do this, the mind will begin to “believe” your intuition and allow it to come through. Next, after some time, increase the scope of your intuitive decision making. The small, everyday decisions will then transfer over to your big life decisions. The mind will trust this process because you have worked with it instead of against it. Balance happens, and your decisions reflect who you truly are. |
