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I will not go back to how it was before. Shutting down is like living only half a life. If I don’t allow myself to feel certain emotions and physical pain, I am not fully present, fully alive. I incarnated in order to feel these feelings, in order to allow my body to assist me to experience and embrace what is in my cells and in my soul hologram. What was left unfinished from other lifetimes is carried with me in my soul hologram. The energy of what is unfinished in this life experience and other lifetimes is of a denser vibration. As I move ahead on my spiritual journey, my goal is to become lighter, closer to the essence of the One Spirit. These denser vibrations must be shifted or transmuted in order for me to become lighter. Earth is the ideal place to work with these vibrations. The challenge is to become conscious of my soul hologram and the makeup of my cells, and then use my energetic tools to heal and shift what is there. Yesterday, and still some today, I feel tears on my back. I have worked consciously with these tears for a very long time. My soul hologram has carried layers and layers of grief from past-life and this-life experiences. However, I am finding, and have found, layers of grief that I have carried for persons I love and for humanity in general. As I worked with the layer that presented itself to me yesterday, I found that it was so deep that its energy had created a concave indentation in my energy field on my back. My family has a genetic propensity toward rounded shoulders and a curved spine. I wonder how much of that is from carrying grief. My mother is deeply compassionate. She carries concern for so many on her back. Perhaps my grandmother did that as well. I see the same trait in my daughter. Through the work I am doing to clear the grief from my back, I hope to shift this holographic trend for all my genetic line. Every time you or I clear something within us, that message is sent through the ethers to others. If enough of us shift the patterns within ourselves, the trend will reach critical mass and change the pattern, the collective consciousness, universally. That is not why I am clearing this for myself; however, it is comforting to know that this work can also help others and perhaps mean that newborns can come into this world without heavy burdens of grief. There are several methods I use for clearing grief. First, I notice that I feel tired and heavy. I tune in to the tiredness. As I merge with this heaviness, I feel the tears lodged there. I like to use Raphael Cushnir’s method (found in his book Unconditional Bliss) of embracing the grief. I ask myself, "What is going on?" My answer is, "I feel heaviness and tears." Then I ask, "Can I be with what I feel?" My answer is "yes." I move my attention into the heaviness, feeling it completely. If the tears come to the surface, I embrace them and breathe with them, allowing myself to cry however softly or deeply is necessary. I don’t use my mind to discover where they come from. If something surfaces that gives me this information, I accept it. If pictures come that take me back to a time of grief, I go with this visualization. If the experience is too painful, I ask someone from the unseen realms to go with me. Each of us can find help within to face even the most devastating pain and fear. I often ask Jesus or Mother Mary to accompany me. When I am working with a fearful inner child, I ask the dolphins to swim with the child in my healing pool to bring her peace. Sometimes my grandfather will come. He was very special to me, and now that he is on the other side, he works with me from time to time, especially when I ask for his help. Another method I use is to imagine that I am standing outside of myself. I can sense where the denser energy lies. I see myself pulling layers and layers of energy off my body. I hand that energy to angels who stand by to help me. Often, I will end this visualization by seeing myself in a kind of spacesuit of energy. I unzip that spacesuit, step out of it, and then stand under a beautiful waterfall. I often find residue on my body when I step out of the spacesuit. The water clears this energy. The colors in the rainbow of the waterfall fill me up so that wherever I have released energy, a new color vibration fills in the spaces. As I peeled off layers of energy from my back last night, I realized that I was carrying grief for my brother, who is going through a difficult time. My compassionate side would like to take it all away from him and carry it myself. That is an old pattern for me, and my intention is to stop doing that. However, I know I still do take on others' grief sometimes, as the pattern has not been fully released. As I worked with the grief on my back, I became aware that this is grief from many lifetimes. When my brother was born, I was ten years old. I cared for him often, so I felt like I was his mother. However, I could feel that our connection goes even deeper. I suspect that he was my child in another lifetime. As I peeled off the layers, it was like peeling off lifetimes of connections. Earlier, I had removed cords of attachment to my brother, knowing that my concern for him had left me open to these connections. Energetic cords can run between people as they work out what is unfinished within them. These cord attachments lead to codependence as they give or receive energy from others or as they bind others to them. I often find these cords attached to my backside, especially in the heart area, although they can attach to any energy vortex within me. When I have disconnected the cords, I intentionally move deep into the light in my heart. This is the soul center. From this center, I send out a strand of light to the light in the heart of the one to whom I want to connect. This kind of connection is not codependent, because it is not a third-dimensional connection. We are already connected on a soul level, so this process reaffirms what already is. I had released the cords with my brother and connected to him through the light in the heart, yet I had still found layers of connection to him on my back. I released those layers, stepped out of the spacesuit of belief that had kept me connected to the pattern of taking on others’ grief, and stood under the waterfall. The layers had been so deep that they left a concave indentation in my back. From inside my body I began to bring gobs of brilliance to pack the area behind my skin. Brilliance is Source energy. It can appear as light, as a kind of salve, or, in this case, as a substance that can fill in the area of the energetic body that had been misshapen. Today I still feel some heaviness and some tears. That means that the work is not done. In the past, I would become discouraged, wondering when all of this would ever end. Today, I know that each layer removed reveals the next layer. I will begin by using Cushnir’s method and then see where I am led. I will not push on without addressing what I feel. That is the commitment I have made to myself. I will not avoid or dismiss what I feel. I will go through this process as many months or years as it takes. That is part of why I am here. Part of my life work is about releasing these denser energies so that I may become lighter and clearer. My intention is to become so light that the whole of me — body, mind, and soul — moves to a higher dimension of existence. I know that I am becoming lighter. The process is working, even if it is slower than my human self would like it to be. There is that impatience within that wants everything right now. I have learned to embrace that part of me. I have learned to listen to its impatience and let it vent. After all, it is part of me. However, I do not allow it to rule. In fact it does not want to rule. It only wants to be heard and taken seriously. That I can do. I am then allowed to flow with the process no matter how long it takes. The process is the journey, not the result. I intend to be present in the process. That’s where the joy is. That’s where the true appreciation for life lies. As I release the grief that I carry, I can be more present for those I love, including myself. Without this heavy burden, life becomes more joyous. When I am not pushing away what I feel, I can fully feel through all my senses. Human existence allows me to feel deeply, to drink in my surroundings through my body. That is the joy of being here. Releasing what keeps me blocked allows me to be fully in my body, fully feeling and fully joyful. The "work" it takes to get there is worth it. I encourage you to be present with all your feelings and all that you feel in your body. These feelings can be a doorway to a new and lighter existence. Arlene Arnold, I.R.T., author of Meditation Tools Made Simple and ColorCards, conducts weekend workshops and six-month spiritual growth intensives for those wishing to embrace and heal what comes to them through their bodies and souls in order to move fully into their life work. Write <Arlene@ArleneArnold.com> or visit <www.ArleneArnold.com>. For Raphael Cushnir's healing method, visit <www.livingthequestions.com> or write <hrc@livingthequestions.org>. |
This morning my
body feels heavy. Somewhere within my body there are tears. There
is nothing in my life right now that would seem to bring on these
tears except for my concern for ones I care about who are going
through tough times. It would be easy to say that this is all
about someone else. Then, I wouldn’t have to look at why
I have taken this grief into my own body. However, my body will
not let me off the hook. I must acknowledge and embrace what
is there. Otherwise, I will shut down my sensing and knowing
in order to avoid what is affecting me, leaving me only partially
present.