"The holidays." The images and sounds of these festive celebrations are imprinted in our minds practically from infancy. The words conjure up visions of an abundance of delicious food, a respite from work and worldly concerns, the gathering and warmth of family and friends from far-off places, communal prayer, the soft hush of snow, glowing fireplaces, celestial music, colorful decorations and lights, tinkling bells, the exchange of gifts, ritual, caring for and giving to others less fortunate, peace, and the expression of love. So much for the fantasy. The reality is often quite different: time and money pressure, disappointment, unmet expectations, heaps more work, crowded stores and airports, slippery roads, smoldering differences that ignite as families and friends gather together. In other words, stress. "Stress." The word begins and ends with a hiss, like the air streaming out of a punctured tire. Stress. You and I talk about it, read about it, hear the hiss, and feel its presence constantly, every day. The word has become so familiar in our culture that it’s lost its bite, its meaning. When a word loses its meaning and becomes a buzzword, a catchall, it’s an indicator that it’s integrated itself into the mainstream of our lives. And of course there is no denying that stress is a normal everyday occurrence for the vast majority of the population, a fact of life, part of the price one pays for living and working in the 21st century. When a word loses its meaning it becomes very dangerous, because we no longer stop to think about it or reflect on its implications, and it moves out of the light into the shadows, where it thrives and grows, like mold in a damp basement. How could this happen? Isn’t stress uncomfortable, to say the least? The answer to this question, and the first key, lies in another word, "homeostasis." The human body/mind is very adaptable, and is always seeking equilibrium or homeostasis, the term the clinicians have given to this phenomenon. Like a little rock or a pebble in your shoe, at first stress is very uncomfortable. Of course, getting rid of the discomfort is relatively easy; you just take off your shoe and shake the pebble out. But when it comes to stress, the process is not quite that simple. What if the voice that chatters away in your mind night and day convinces you that you’re too busy to stop, that all the "have-tos" and "shoulds" can’t wait? You tell yourself that "getting there" or "taking care of business" is more important than relieving the discomfort. You tell yourself that you will take care of it later, and you keep walking, running, doing all the "important" things. In time, the discomfort becomes normal, and if you still keep walking with the pebble in your shoe, in time it is no longer noticed even though it’s still digging into the bottom of your foot. You know it’s there, but by then the discomfort and the pain have become old, familiar friends. The second key that might someday save your life, or at the very least make it a whole lot better, is the knowledge that stress affects everyone. Those of us on "the path" might like to believe that stress doesn’t affect us. We meditate, we do yoga or numerous other disciplines and practices to keep us calm and centered. If that’s what you believe, be aware that the programmed mind uses stress to maintain domination and control the vast majority of the time, when you are not mediating, when you are engaged with all the worldly activities that occupy you in our technologically centered, rapidly changing, fast-paced world. It affects you even when you are dreaming. The mind is like a ship’s captain who won’t change course or let go of the wheel even though the ship is heading directly for an iceberg, while the passengers below are unaware of the perilous situation taking place up on the bridge. The most difficult obstacle to mastering chronic everyday stress (the form of stress that actually does the most damage) is simply being aware of it. This is the third key that you can begin to use to transform your response to stress. By integrating stress into the daily fabric of your life, the programmed mind produces the same numbing effect a mosquito achieves when it injects an anesthesia-like substance into your bloodstream so you don’t feel the pain when it bites you and therefore don’t swat it as it’s quenching its thirst. But the issue is not just your blood, although stress does some very nasty things to that precious fluid. Stress is a multi-appendaged menace that wraps its tentacles around practically every physical system in the body, creating short- and long-term illness and disease. Its vise-like hold centers in the feeling body as well, creating all sorts of mental havoc, distortion, and emotional pain. Stress is also a sneak and a thief. By living in the shadows, stress is able to do its dirty work unchecked. It not only robs us of our physical health, our mental/emotional well-being, and our energy, it diminishes the quality of life, of relationships, and the full enjoyment of everything we work so hard for. What’s even more insidious for those on a spiritual path is that stress acts as a barrier to self-discovery, to God connection, to realizing heaven on earth. The fourth key that can unlock the door to freedom from the shadowy menace is the knowledge that there is nothing more important than taking steps to begin to not just "reduce" or "manage" stress but master it. Since chronic, everyday stress "normalizes," most people don’t think that they have a problem with it, and they don’t take steps to correct it. One evening a long time ago at a time when the universe was really testing us, after a long, trying day I decided to surprise my beloved partner Alexandra Light. While she was working, I quietly slipped upstairs and turned on the tap in the bathtub so she and I could take a long, hot soak together. A few moments after I returned downstairs, the phone rang. It was a lengthy conversation, and by the time I hung up, I had forgotten all about the tub. Light and I chatted for a while, and then we decided to meditate. I don’t remember how much time passed, but I will never forget that meditation. When we were really deep, our blissful silence was suddenly shattered by an explosive blast as a large chunk of the ceiling (followed by a torrent of water) crashed to the living room floor, barely missing us. It was then that I remembered that I hadn’t turned off the water. If you don’t know that you have a problem, if you forget about the water pouring into the tub, you can’t take measures to correct it, even measures as simple as turning off the faucet. If you’re not aware that stress has its hold on you, you can’t, and don’t, take preventive measures to liberate yourself, and the consequences can be devastating. The approaching holidays present an excellent opportunity to shine a light into the shadows and expose the sneaky thief, and in so doing to take powerful steps to live life without pain, pressure, tension, or subjecting yourself to the dangers of stress and its wide-reaching potential for harm. It’s no accident that Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s come upon us late in the year. They ease the transition to winter and take our minds off gray skies, bleak landscapes, and bone-chilling cold. Instead, the holidays get us to focus on celebration. But as we said earlier, this focus is accompanied by heaps of extra stress. Why is this a good thing? Because when the level of stress escalates from ordinary, chronic everyday levels to what we call borderline crisis levels, you are at least aware of what you’re experiencing. With this awareness comes the power to change, to take steps to transform, so the ceiling doesn’t suddenly, without warning, come crashing down on you. Remember: everyone suffers from stress, and there is nothing normal in it, unless "normal" means depleting your health and well-being, your energy, your joy, and blocking the flow of light within. Now that you know that there is nothing more important than taking steps to master stress, you are in a position to master that which has mastered you. So many of us want to do good works, to create positive change on the planet. But unless we transform, unless we realize our higher, wiser selves and come from this place in our thoughts, feelings, words, and actions, we will at best be treading water, trying to stem the torrent gushing out of the crack in the earthly dam with only a tiny Band-Aid. Whether or not one is on a spiritual path, mastering stress is key to manifesting positive behavioral change and realizing conscious evolutionary growth in one’s life, and to just simply staying healthy. In the long term, shining the light on this menace will allow you to free yourself from the stranglehold of the programmed mind and fully discover who you truly are. This awakening will be more profound than the discovery of fire, the invention of the wheel, or even the silicon chip. S. A. Forest and Alexandra Light are co-authors of the book The Tranquility System: Instant Relief from Stress. They will conduct workshops in Seattle on January 20 and March 31, 2001 on learning how to master stress. Reservations for the four-hour workshop can be made at (206) 284-2622. The book can be purchased on Amazon.com or by calling (888) 232-4444. |