We live in an interesting time. Our society has uncovered, identified, and verified many dysfunctional family systems. We are collectively recovering our sense of self from the rubble of our trauma-based habits. Our healing practitioners have helped us realign toward well-being through various paths: massage, acupuncture, bodywork, chiropractic treatments, and therapy, to name a few. Now it's time to embody our personal transitions on an everyday basis. To do this, we must use and strengthen our muscles in ways that shape the recovered self instead of shaping the traumatized and/or healing self.

When trauma occurs, our bodies react. These reactions are instinctual and protective, and can range from an aggressive "shoving away" gesture to a complete folding inward. In the instant of these reactions, a protective body memory is encoded into our sense of self. Our minds do not know that these reactive gestures are coping mechanisms rather than an expression of self-affirmation. Consequently, the reactive gestures become hardwired, so to speak, into "holding patterns" that shape our bodies and self-concept. As long as our muscles are frozen in these patterns, we will struggle with feeling split off from ourselves and from our desires for personal success and inner peace.

How do we undo these holding patterns? Alignment is the key. There are many healing practitioners that can assist you in aligning your muscles and/or energy correctly, but it is up to you to maintain the alignment. This can be challenging if everyday life is stressful. More times than not, a few hours after you've left the care of your practitioner, your old holding patterns — and therefore your old "shape" — takes over again. If you want to shape your life in your own best interests, you must meet the challenge of training your mind, body, and emotions to strengthen a new shape, one that embodies self-empowerment.

If you want to learn how to use your everyday life to embody confidence and high self-esteem, practice sitting, walking, and driving with correct alignment. Work with a professional on how to assume the correct posture, then maintain that alignment as long as possible. This process encourages self-awareness on a daily basis, strengthens and tones the body, and is surprisingly satisfying.

You don't realize how much effort it takes to live in a body that is fighting itself until you assume correct alignment. When muscles are lined up correctly, they relax and perform their function with ease, and it's much more rewarding to invest your efforts in maintaining a posture that feels good than it is to fight yourself!

Once you are consistently maintaining your newfound alignment, add one to three workouts a week to your schedule. These workouts can be 15 minutes to an hour in length, and are a kind of personal "check-in" point. Each workout is time set aside to focus on the self and on reaffirming and strengthening correct alignment. As you become more comfortable with your emerging "new shape," you are ready to strengthen that shape, closer to your core, by adding intensity.

Life is intense sometimes. If we want to know how to embody personal strength, we must train ourselves not to revert to old, trauma-based body habits when life gets busy and our stress level accelerates. For instance, once one has established a good, aligned walking pace, it's good to pick up the pace, or add some stairs and hills for intensity. The goal is to maintain alignment under the new workload, so when you begin to revert to old muscular habits, slow down and reaffirm correct posture before adding intensity again. The more you practice shaping your alignment while intensifying an activity, the better you will get at "holding your own" in everyday situations that normally might have had you folding inward or reacting angrily.

The biggest challenge in assuming a physical shape that embodies a recovered self instead of a traumatized and/or healing self is getting beyond emotional reactions with your newfound alignment intact. Emotional reactions can occur at any time, and are triggered by any number of stimuli. In the split second it takes a reaction to occur, the powerful mind tells the body to assume old protective mannerisms. Those protective gestures return you to a frozen time from the past, thus cutting you off from your feelings and your effectiveness. It takes immense focus to keep this from happening.

One way to strengthen this focus is to punch a punching bag. The act of punching is intense. It is an expression of power, and, if the muscles are aligned correctly, of personal effectiveness. The more your muscles are lined up correctly, the more power, or life force, you can send through that alignment. This feels good, and at the same time it can bring up fears. The old self panics that your are daring to give up protective mechanisms. Before you know it, your mind will have signaled your muscles to revert to your "coping" shape. However, in this part of your journey, you will have gained enough skill to know how to maintain your newfound shape instead of giving over to the old, less effective shape.

Shaping your life is more than setting out on a life journey with goals you wish to accomplish. Your body must embody your efforts in a way that allows you to succeed. If you interview for a job with a posture that folds inward, chances are you will not present yourself as confidently as you could. If you are fighting your own center of gravity because of muscles that are locked into holding patterns, you will expend a good deal of energy trying to find balance in your life without ever gaining it.

One of my clients once said, "It is much easier to strengthen the appropriate muscles for standing up straight than it is to always be trying to stand up straight." It's true. Stop fighting yourself. Align, strengthen, and shape your life for success.